So..... I feel the need to write something but I also feel the need to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide there until I become a fossil in the dirt. *sigh* She's still coming out of it slowly but surely. Each day the percentage of smile grows while the tears decrease. She went to school both yesterday and today but I'm horrified at what her peers must think. She hasn't showered or brushed her hair in a week and just puts on whatever clothes are on her floor at the last minute before she huffs off to the bus stop. Such a sharp contrast to the other times where she's clean, smells good, brushes her beautiful hair and wears lip gloss and clean cute outfits. At least she's going to school.
I can't wait until the next appointment with her new PNP. I hope she can give me tips about coming up with an IEP at the school. Right now Natasha has the first 3 periods of the day with the same teacher and he seems like quite a control freak. He knows about her disability and still tells her she can't go to the bathroom because he thinks she's trying to see the school counselor. WHAT?!?! He's been told that's what she's supposed to do if she needs to! I emailed him yesterday and put him on notice. She was sitting on the floor this morning, wailing that her stomach didn't feel good and she was worried about not being able to go to the bathroom if she needed to. I told her if he said no to walk out of the classroom. She started screaming that she would get in trouble and I told her that I would handle it for her and if the school didn't pay attention, she didn't have to go there anymore.
We've had this trouble before. There was one teacher in particular, I think it was 2 years ago, who in spite of Natasha having a very clear 504 plan that stated she was allowed to use whatever bathroom she wanted, whenever she wanted, would routinely deny her a pass. Jason and I were so angry at the horrible lady. This was before we knew Natasha was bipolar and we were just dealing with the OCD. She has always had a terrible fear of getting sick to her stomach and throwing up or having diarrhea. She goes to the bathroom often to check and see if she needs to go and if you even mention that she may be ill she goes into a complete conniption fit that can last for hours. (We had informed the office staff and the teacher of this several times.) This teacher actually told her one day, in a really nasty way, that she used the bathroom way too much and her parents should take her to the doctor because obviously she was very very sick. I had already written several emails to the school counselor and principal about the lady, but after that statement I threatened to take legal action if they didn't fire her or make her cooperate. They were as angry as I was and after that she fell in line although she still managed to make snarky comments that were right on the line.
Sometimes there are people I have to deal with that are so judgmental and I can see on their faces that they think her problems are those of a coddled child and if we were tougher on her she would shape up. I have fantasies in my head about chaining them to a chair and sticking them in a room with Natasha when she's going off. I would leave them there for days. I can imagine that moment when I let them go and they would stumble off down the street, eyes staring blankly, clothes hanging in tatters off their scratched and scraped torsos, blood dripping from their ears and I would call after them, "Still feel like telling her no?!?"
Anyway.. Natasha is at school right now and if she can clean her room before Friday morning, she will go to on vacation with us. She was so upset the other day at herself for not going to school. I knew she was going to hate herself and she did. We'll see how it goes but at least she's out of the scary rage part. I think.
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