I haven't said much yet about Natasha's seven year old sister Katie. I guess because it makes me feel so ashamed to have my baby growing up on the battle field. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who struggles with this and for the most part I can be very open and honest about the garbage that goes on in our family but Katie is a sore subject. My eyes brim with tears when I think of her little heart, filled with fear, trying to sort out the freakish behavior of her sister and often parents. She is such a kind little kid. I feel like I want to type these next sentences in the teeniest font so nobody can read it. Sometimes I wish Natasha would go away. Far, far away and never come back. I've even had flashes of thought of smothering her with her pillow to get her to stop screaming and verbally abusing her sister. Then I get so disgusted with myself for feeling that way I start to sink into a deep depression and wonder if I'm even fit to parent at all. I should be above such feelings. I should be a more patient, loving mom. I'm a monster.
I did have something to say about Katie but I think I'll try again later.
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